hello my name is Chad helm and this is
my story I was you know born when my
parents were 15 and 16 years old my
mother was in and out of my life
my father was in and out of my life but
at five years old I was given back to my
father after he married a lady 12 years
older than him and she had already had
two children I felt like I was the
outcast from the family you know to
think that my father didn’t love me no
more
I tried committing suicide at 15 years
old and you know that’s something that
I’m not afraid to talk about you know a
lot of men tend to hold that in because
they’re so afraid of what other people
will think but I’ve realized that in
order for me to have total hilling I
first off had to become vulnerable and
forgive the person who did it to me
you know so I ended up moving in with my
aunt and uncle at 16 years old two weeks
before my seventeen year old birthday I
started selling cars my first month
selling cars
I sold 23 units they had a salesman of
the month party for me at the end they
started passing around this plate of a
white powdery substance but as they
started snorting lines off this plate
the plate got to me and I had been
looking for that father image that role
model and I felt like I had to fit in so
I ended up snoring a line and it was
either based cocaine my habit went from
once a month to once a week to seven
days a week
blood would start dripping out of my
nose my way to medicate that would be to
go to the bathroom and snort a line off
the back the toilet
at 19 years old I was arrested for my
first set of crimes my second week in
the penitentiary I was raped that’s
something that still is hard for me to
talk about but once again that’s another
thing that I have to talk about to move
past you know so for a very long time I
was afraid to be touched
I couldn’t take enough showers to get
clean I felt dirty ended up getting
released out of prison and my
grandmother and my aunt had picked me up
you know within my first 24 hours of
being out I went right back to my
addiction it wasn’t doing nothing to
change my addictions the only thing that
would numb me and help me escape the
reality of life I ended up catching a
new set of charges a couple years later
on my last day of being incarcerated I
was scared to leave jail and prison are
two places I felt safe at I was able to
be clean and sober you know obviously
because it’s a lot harder to get drugs
or alcohol inside when it was time for
me to get released I went into a salt a
staff member to try to get more time
left that same day they didn’t give me
more time they restrained me handcuffed
me until it was time for me to totally
walk out I started using once again the
same day that I left I was able to hide
my addiction for a couple months I’ve
always lived in this dark world you know
I knew who God was I knew there was a
God I believed in God and the crazy
thing is even during my addiction I
still would go to church and my pastor
you know he had shared his story one
night to the youth group and his story
really impacted my life so I fell in
love with this church and I fell in love
with his story and with Jesus Christ but
part of me was not willing to surrender
my all and so I continued to follow my
way in my will of life
which like I said before that led me
down to the path of destruction in my
life became a living hell on 10 10 of
2015 when I was planning on committing
suicide I had written my suicide letters
to family members my plan was to do
enough heroin and cocaine to either have
a heart attack
or to overdose I ended up getting pulled
over for my license plate light being
burnt out and I was on Bluetooth talking
to my mother at the time and remind you
she’s two hours away from where I was
and I was telling my mom my goodbyes at
this time telling her this is gonna be
the last time that she talks to me I had
told my mother mother you need to hang
up the phone because you’re gonna hear
something you don’t want to hear my plan
right when I saw the lights and heard
the sirens you know as I’m gonna make
this cop shoot me and it’s the insanity
that we live whenever were in active
addiction or even just living in in this
dark world we do the same things over
and over we expect a different result
but we keep you the same thing you know
obviously they run the plates and they
see your name and he saw that I was a
habitual criminal and I come I came up
in their system is armed and dangerous I
told this officer he’s not searching my
car that he’s going to have to shoot me
in order to get into the car and I just
started screaming shoot me my mother is
on the other end of this phone on the
Bluetooth hearing all of this go on and
she’s crying and screaming at the time
for me to stop at that point time he
tried to reach into my car and pull me
out of the unlock the vehicle or to pull
me out and that’s really for sure what
he was trying to do I ended up throwing
his arm up in the window as I took off
in a high-speed chase they clocked me
going 141 miles per hour and this
officer though that I had rolled his arm
up in the window he was able to get free
shortly after I took off my car spun out
I ended up coming to a stop about two
feet from these officers in their
vehicle one of them came they busted out
my window pulled me out of the vehicle
now as I was laying there on the ground
I looked over and as my face was smashed
into the rocks and they were cuffing me
there was one officer that stood out and
he looked at me he didn’t have his gun
drawn he just stared at me that officer
that didn’t draw a gun on me he came up
to the jail cell he said mr. helm he
said you don’t belong here you’re better
than this he said just surrender about
three days later that same officer comes
back he says mr. helm have you
surrendered
you know I saw these different inmates
reading the Bible and you know I’ve
always heard that that’s jailhouse
religion that you’re just doing this to
get out of trouble that these are
foxhole prayers I asked him I said why
do you keep coming to me why do you care
so much about me and this officer
introduced himself he said well he says
I’m the chief deputy of police of this
town he said my name is Gary Carroll and
he says I know God’s has something in
store for you and he says you just got a
surrender he says I just arrested my own
son a couple days ago going through the
same exact stuff that you’re going
through and he said me looking at you is
like looking at my own child
well if we talked for a minute that
officer walks away and that night I got
on my knees in my cell myself was asleep
and I said Father let thy will be done
not my way my way is death your way his
life I can’t do this on my own
and at that point in time a seed was
planted in me and I knew I had to change
but I didn’t know if I was ready
I was still scared and my name gets
called too packed my stuff that I was
being discharged I said there’s no way I
thought I was hearing something because
my charges that were racked up I was
facing 6 to 30 years due to me being a
habitual criminal and due to me
assaulting an officer the high speed
chase possession of narcotics
manufacturing intent to deliver or so
many charges that were bought that were
charged up against me there’s no way my
bond was fifty thousand dollars full
cash
I grabbed my things real quick and I
walk out and I walk out the front door
of the jail and my mother’s standing
there with the chief deputy of police
with the founder of release through
Jesus prison ministries and my sister
you would think that that was going to
be the day that I would change but I
didn’t so I decided to get a plane
ticket that I was going to go to
treatment in Florida my dad calls me and
he says son he says if you want me back
in your life
he says I want you to go to rehab the
long-term I ended up flying to treatment
I graduated the program and I was in
Florida in a sober-living house it just
so happened the sober living house that
I went to turned out to be a flop house
and there was nothing but using the
owner used so within two days I was back
to getting high
I started catching new charters in
Florida I started forging checks I hated
who I had become when I looked myself in
the mirror I looked like death I was
nothing but flesh and bone I eventually
ended up getting involved in human
trafficking in Florida and that was to
support my addiction in my lifestyle and
I knew what I was doing was wrong but I
didn’t know how to stop eventually ended
up moving to Kentucky I got involved
with methamphetamines I was a heroin
addict and cocaine addict for almost
eight years then I started doing
methamphetamines whenever I got here I
became this very demonic and this very
hateful and cold-hearted person still a
part of me wanted to change but I didn’t
know how to stop I became addicted to
money I became a sex addict I became
addicted to having control on 7:27 of
2018 narcotic officers raided my home
put my hands up and I got on the floor I
felt relieved like I didn’t have to run
no more they told me that I was
definitely going away for a long time I
started filling my hearts putter
I was OD’ing the drugs that I had
ingested finally the bag broke in my
stomach I remember waking up in the
hospital with the tube down my throat I
had found out that my kidneys and liver
and everything it started to shut down I
don’t know how but my mother was able to
call to the phone she says son it’s time
and I started crying I said what do you
mean it’s time mom she says aren’t you
sick and tired of being sick and tired I
said yes I am and I hung up the phone
and when I hung up the phone
I
[Music]
I remember
this was a part that gets me
I remember saying them I remember saying
God this isn’t a foxhole prayer that if
you deliver me out of the situation that
I will give you my all I was spending my
life to you and I’ll be a servant for
your kingdom
I remember after they did my intake they
reeled me in and literally dumped me
into a medical unit cell with concrete
floor four concrete walls stainless
steel toilet still bed and a half inch
thick mat and I remember hollering at
the officer I said wait a minute wait a
minute I can’t walk how am I supposed to
get up to use the bathroom what am I
supposed to do I remember laying on this
stainless steel slab looking up at the
ceiling
I remember my attorney coming to talk to
me that same day and he says Chad I’m
afraid I got some bad news for you
he said they want you to do 22 years at
80% he says well Chad he says you know
with your criminal record your p fo
eligible which means persistent felony
offender and he says the likelihood of
you getting less than 15 to 18 is not
looking to possible I said I prayed
about it it’s gonna be okay
and my public defender honestly laughed
at me at the time and he left so from
that point on from that day even inside
four walls I found a freedom and that
was because I had finally surrendered my
way of life and my will to God’s way
into his will and I started being a
servant right where I was at and that
was inside him jail walls I kept
remembering the the story chapter six of
the story of Daniel and Daniel and the
Lions Den and at that point I made up my
mind that I’m Daniel and God’s got me
and he will get me through this and just
like he can get anyone else through
anything that they’re going through
I remember inmates coming back to my cuz
my bunk was towards the back of the unit
I remember being able to share my
testimony with them and to be able to
look them in the eyes with a pure heart
and sincerity and the glow that you have
whenever you finally surrender your life
and you start living in God’s will
people can see that at least four or
five guys per week were rotating in and
out of the unit I had to stay because I
was a max maximum security inmate and
they couldn’t put me in different units
but I remember different lives getting
saved different guys coming back and
praying with me asking me to lead them
to Christ and I knew I had a purpose my
father came back into my life and so did
my uncle and they hired me a paid
attorney that attorney fought for me I
got reclassified to a minimum security
inmate the paid attorney that I had got
some of my charges reduced and they
ended up transferring me down the hall
to the Hope Center program I ended up
get to the end of the Hope Center
program went in front of this judge
judge Bernal
I got up and I just looked at her in the
eyes and I said Your Honor I’m not the
same person I was when I came into this
place if you’d give me a chance I
promise I won’t let you down
she pulled some papers that she had out
of a folder and my father my mother my
aunt my grandma on my uncle had all
written letters on my behalf and sent
emails on my behalf they had been
fighting for me this whole entire time
the same people who I had hurt through
the last 15 years of my life were the
same people that stuck by me the judge
paused and said I’m going to give you a
chance and I went from facing 22 years
80% to being sentenced to drug court
probation I just about dropped to my
knees in the courtroom but I knew it was
because God knew my heart and he knew
that I finally meant what I said that I
wasn’t just going through the emotions
I’m not saying that God will deliver us
out of every fire because sometimes he
wants to walk through that fire with us
I’m now coming up I’m close to two years
clean and sober of any mind-altering
controlled substance or alcohol and I
now I’m able to go into some of these
gels and speak to inmates the same
officers that rated my home are the same
officers that I now get to do
interventions with for other addicts
that are suffering and for families that
are going through the same thing the
same officers that rated my home and put
me in handcuffs are the same officers
while I now get to sit next to in the
church
so I challenge you if you’re going
through something today become
vulnerable and be willing and let
somebody help you don’t suffer in
silence
